Whispers of Resilience: A Journey Through Grief
As I journey through the immense landscape of grief and artistic expression, I find solace and symbolism in the arms of nature. In my photography, the trees rise as poignant metaphors for my human experience – of loss, love, and unyielding resilience. The single, prominent tree at the forefront is a reflection of myself, standing resilient yet solitary against life’s relentless storms. Its robust presence speaks to the enduring strength I’ve had to summon in the face of profound grief, a mirror to my journey after the tragic loss of my beloved daughter, Abby.
Behind this central figure, the presence of a dead tree to the left echoes the irrevocable change brought by loss. It stands as a stark reminder of life’s fragility, embodying the void left by Abby’s absence. Yet, it also serves as a testament to the past, to memories that are cherished and moments that are forever imprinted in my heart.
On the right, two additional trees flank this scene, symbolizing the ongoing journey of life and the support of loved ones and community. They are the silent witnesses to my sorrow and my undying love for Abby, underscoring the collective nature of grief and healing.
In the distance, a mountain looms, symbolizing the monumental challenge of navigating through grief. Its presence on the horizon speaks to the enduring nature of loss – a constant in the landscape of life, yet distant, signifying my gradual process of healing and acceptance.
The sloped, uphill landscape of an open prairie on which these trees stand metaphorically represents my uphill struggle through the morass of grief. It is a journey fraught with challenges, yet it opens up to vast, unexplored territories of emotional depth and artistic exploration.
I searched for a long time of how to include hues of red in this handmade print because this color symbolizes the intensity of love and the acute pain of loss, representing the indelible mark left on my heart by Abby’s presence and absence.
This varying palette of reds represents the hues of my heartache and the love that endures beyond physical presence. Red is not just a color but a thread that weaves through the tapestry of my memories, binding me to Abby in an embrace that transcends time and space.
In the sky and foreground there are purposely shades of green. Green is the color of life, growth, and renewal, and symbolizes the journey of healing that I am embarking upon.
Each handmade calotype and print is a step through the verdant fields of remembrance, where every shade of green is a whisper of Abby’s vibrant spirit.
The greens in this print represent the unspoken words of hope amidst sorrow, the tender shoots of resilience sprouting from the fertile ground of Abby’s legacy.
The bare trees stand as silent sentinels in a landscape of remembrance—red in their poignant reminder of what is lost, yet green in their promise that memories will bloom again in the soil of your soul.
In the muted earth tones and the softness of the image’s edges, one can sense the merging of past and present, the dance of shadow and light that is the nature of grief. It’s as if the image is a canvas upon which my emotions’ invisible reds and greens are painted, seen only by those who understand the language of loss.
This project is a search for meaning within the mist of mourning and is a testament to the power of art to navigate the uncharted territories of my heart.
Through this scene, my photographic project becomes a powerful narrative of loss and love. The trees, with their deep roots and reaching branches, reflect the complexity of my emotions – grounded in reality yet reaching towards understanding and peace. My use of 19th-century Pictorialism techniques further enhances this metaphor, infusing my images with a dreamlike quality that resonates with the ethereal nature of memories and emotions.
Thus, my artistic endeavor is more than a mere representation of nature; it’s a profound exploration of my own soul, a canvas where grief, love, and resilience are painted in the hues of natural beauty and historical photographic techniques. In this landscape, each element – the trees, the mountain, the prairie – intertwines to form a poignant ode to Abby, a celebration of her life, and a beacon of hope in my journey through the shadows of loss.
Behind The Scenes
Reality vs. Expressive Art
Every life is a unique story, with its dawn and twilight; tragically, Abby’s final chapter arrived far too prematurely. It is a truth universally acknowledged yet no less devastating that the tapestry of life is not ours to weave as we wish. The anguish of a parent’s heart in the wake of a child’s departure is a burden no one should bear. Through the lens of my own sorrow, I extend this collection to you with a heartfelt aspiration: may it serve as a beacon for those navigating the tumultuous seas of loss. It is my deepest wish that within these visual echoes, you may discover a resonant voice for your unspoken grief and, in the interplay of light and shadow, find a gentle path towards tranquility and solace.
You can read my artist statement to help you understand the context of my art.
CALOTYPE & PRINT TECHNICAL NOTES
Print Type: Cyanotype, Custom toned with a blend of alkalis and acids to achieve the reds and greens, 8X10
Negative: Calotype handmade paper negative, Whole Plate 6.5 x 8.5
Paper: Arches Platine 310
Chemistry (Sensitizer): 10% Potassium Ferricyanide, 10% Ferric Ammonium Citrate, 1% Potassium Dichromate, Tween 20
Toner: Custom blend of photographic alkalis and acids to achieve the desired hues and tones.
UV Exposure: 6 minutes.
Processing: This artwork is processed to museum standards to ensure the stability of the artwork for centuries. There is no silver in this print and so this means the paper is the determining factor for archival performance. The print has been hand waxed with white beeswax and lavender oil to protect it from the atmospheric elements for many centuries in the future.
Archival Notes: The longevity of 100% cotton papers, like Arches Platine 310, can be extensive, often lasting several centuries under the right conditions. Cotton, as a natural fiber, is inherently more stable and durable than wood-based papers, which can become brittle and yellow over time due to the presence of lignin. This substance breaks down and causes deterioration.
Historically, many of the oldest surviving documents and artworks are on cotton or linen paper. For example, some cotton paper documents and prints have survived in good condition for 500 years or more. The actual lifespan of any paper, however, depends on various factors including the manufacturing process, the quality and purity of the cotton used, and the conditions under which the paper is stored. Factors such as exposure to light, humidity, temperature, air quality, and handling can all significantly impact the longevity of cotton paper.
When stored under optimal archival conditions — cool, dry, dark, and acid-free environments — 100% cotton paper like Arches Platine 310 can be expected to last for a thousand years or more without significant deterioration. This is why such papers are favored for important documents, fine art prints, and archival records.
Field Photos & Technical Notes
Location: Siloam Springs on 12/15/2023 around 12:00 pm.
EV: 13.7, partly cloudy
Exposure: 1 minute 30 seconds
Camera: Chamonix 8×10 with Whole Plate reducing back.
Lens: Wollensak Verito 11.5″ F4 at F4.
Development: 7 minutes with 15 ml of solution B in 300 ml of solution A at 30C.
