Introduction to Pictorial Whispers: A Memorial in Art

The Genesis of Pictorial Whispers

Pictorial Whispers is a profoundly personal fine art photography project inspired by the emotive and ethereal style of 19th-century Pictorialism. This project is not just an artistic pursuit but a vital part of my journey through grief following the tragic loss of my youngest daughter, Abby.

Before I lay out my plan for the future, I want to share some personal thoughts with you in the hope that they may help you in some way.

Since my daughter was tragically killed in an auto accident three years ago, I have been trying to find a way to cope and work through the grieving process. After about six months, I realized that I wanted to pursue some type of photography project, but I wasn’t quite sure what or how to move forward. I journaled my thoughts for about six months and had an outline of an artist statement and narrative for the work.

Over the next six months, I started focusing on trees as my core subject, making handmade calotype paper negatives and Kallitype prints. I made several negatives and prints, but my heart was being pulled in a different direction. You can view some of the handmade calotype negatives and Kallitype prints directly below.

Explore how you can support my Pictorial Whispers Project and become part of a community dedicated to celebrating art and healing. By joining as a member, you will gain exclusive access to several unique benefits, including behind-the-scenes updates, early access to view new works, exclusive access to me, and much more. Your support helps sustain this deeply personal project, allowing me to continue creating meaningful art that resonates with memory, loss, and renewal themes. Join me today and become a part of the journey.

You can read the current artist statement for Pictorial Whispers to understand my work’s narrative and direction.

I returned to my original journal notes and discovered some important thoughts. The key entry that pointed me in a new direction was written about ten days after Abby was killed.

I went out to find the wild horses, as I have been doing since 2015. I knew that I needed to get out of the house and into nature to breathe, be still, and immerse myself in Mother Nature’s arms. I have always felt free and peaceful when I spent time with the wild horses, so I was hopeful I could find that peace again.

I left the house around 4 a.m. because I couldn’t sleep and wanted to get to a difficult location where I had found wild horses in the past. It is a beautiful area in a valley along the river. It was still dark when I arrived, but I got my camping chair, water, and camera and started walking.

It was a foggy morning with almost no visibility, so I stopped and sat in my chair in the middle of the valley until the morning light allowed me to see a little better.

I sat in the chair for over an hour, trying to keep my thoughts and mind calm and clear. I was able to focus on my breathing and just be still. I noticed something that got my attention, but I wasn’t sure if I was imagining things.

I could smell the wild horses, or at least I thought I could. I wasn’t sure, so I ignored it and smelled it again. It is hard to describe, but I have been following and tracking Missouri’s wild horses since 2015, and my brain has been wired to detect their unique smell.

My initial thought was concern for my safety because there was almost no visibility, and I thought the band of wild horses could possibly run over me.

I took a deep breath and remained still. Another 30 minutes passed, and the morning light came up over the river and the valley. I saw a white mare standing about 75 to 100 feet from me. I could hardly believe my eyes, and this validated the smells I had detected earlier.

I remained still as the morning light revealed more of the herd. It was a peaceful and surreal experience that I will never forget. I needed this. I needed some peace. I needed to be distracted and fully immersed in something other than my grief.

I continued to watch the wild horses over the next few minutes, and then something caught my eye out of my peripheral vision. I saw something that appeared to be flickering or twitching near the ground, close to the white mare. It turned out to be her new foal twitching her ears.

I then realized why the mare was standing there so still. She had been watching over and protecting her baby. In that instant, I realized the power of this real-life metaphor.

I have been struggling with not being there with Abby in her final moments, and it has been consuming me with grief. The thought of my baby lying on the side of the road in her final moments and me not being there to comfort her was more than I could bear, and at times, I am still consumed with grief about this. I don’t expect this to ever change. As I write this, over three years later, tears stream down my face as I try to complete this paragraph.

When I saw that beautiful white mare standing over her new foal in the thick fog, with the morning’s first sunlight providing just enough light to reveal them, I instantly felt my entire body covered with goosebumps. A voice told me that Abby was being watched over and she was safe. It was a surreal experience, unlike anything I have ever known in my entire life.

I have always recognized the profound nature of this experience. Still, I didn’t know a way to include the wild horses in my photography project until a few more important pieces of the puzzle were recently revealed to me.

Since my workflow is 100% analog and has mostly always been large and ultra-large format-based, there are few options to pursue a wild horse photography project using these formats, or so I had been thinking for the last couple of years.

I had a run where I tried to use my Linhof 4×5 Rangefinder, but to make a long story short, it was too difficult and didn’t enable me to create the kinds of images that I know I need to create for this project.

Over the last few months, I have been cleaning up and organizing my darkroom and trying to downsize and simplify my work. During this work, I found one of my old Graflex 4×5 SLR cameras, and a lightbulb instantly went off in my mind.

I laughed and wondered why I hadn’t considered using the Graflex for the wild horses before now. I got out the camera, cleaned it up, and started thinking about how this could actually work.

The old Graflex SLR 4×5 and 5×7 cameras allow a unique working method that could be perfect for photographing wild horses. The Graflex is the only SLR large-format camera that I am aware of. This means that the image on the ground glass appears right side up, just like you see in real life. On all other large-format cameras, the image is upside down and flipped since there is no mirror. This will allow for easy viewing and split-second decision-making in the field.

The focal plane shutter is another key feature of the Graflex large-format SLR, making it a unique and excellent choice for wild horse photography. The focal plane shutter allows for exposures up to 1/1000th of a second. When using a fast film like Ilford HP5 or T-Max 400, handheld shutter speeds of 1/250 or greater are achievable.

The third feature that makes the Graflex the ideal wild horse camera is the ability to use interchangeable lenses up to an astounding 24 inches on 4×5 or 5×7 formats.

When I combine all three of these capabilities, I now have a large-format tool in 4×5 or 5×7 format that breaks down the barriers and technical issues I have had in the past.

Now, I can be mobile, respond to split-second opportunities, and create large format negatives. What could be better?

Discover how you can support my Pictorial Whispers Project and gain exclusive access to unique membership benefits.

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The Plan Moving Forward

To capture this journey’s essence, I will use my century-old Graflex cameras and vintage lenses, reflecting my deep appreciation for historical photographic processes.

In addition to the key points above about why the historic Graflex camera is the right tool for me, the “Bag Mag,” holding 12 sheets of large format film, enables me to capture unique and spontaneous moments that were previously impossible.

Each photograph serves as a meditation on memory, loss, and healing, immortalized through handmade platinum and palladium-toned Kallitype prints.

Symbolism and Subject Matter

The wild horses of Missouri’s Ozark Mountains are central to Pictorial Whispers, symbolizing resilience, freedom, and the enduring spirit.

These majestic creatures navigate harsh and challenging environments, mirroring the emotional landscapes I traverse in my grieving process. The horses’ presence in the rugged terrains, enduring brutal summers and harsh winters, parallels my journey through the seasons of grief and recovery.

As I spend time trying to find and photograph the wild horses throughout the year, I am also fully immersed in the difficult conditions and landscape with the wild horses.

The Artistic Journey

Each step of creating Pictorial Whispers involves meticulous craftsmanship and emotional reflection. From capturing the wild horses with the Graflex to preparing the large format negatives for Kallitype printing, every aspect of the pure analog process is infused with intention and reverence.

The historical Kallitype process, with its rich tonal range and archival quality, offers a tangible connection to photographic traditions of the past. At the same time, the platinum and palladium toning enhances the prints’ depth and permanence.

I plan to print, display, and exhibit the prints. Along the way, I will share new articles about the process and all of the steps in my journey.

I hope that you join me on this journey and follow along. The best way to do that is to subscribe to my website here and receive an email when I publish new articles and videos.

Don’t worry, there is no cost, and I am not trying to sell you anything. I have been asked by several of my analog photography friends to share and document this journey because they are interested in supporting me, and also, learning new things as I work my way through each step of the process.

A Living Memorial

Pictorial Whispers is more than a series of images; it is a visual diary and a meditative reflection on life’s most profound challenges and changes. This project encapsulates the sacred act of remembering, mourning, and healing, guiding me through the shadowed valleys of grief toward a horizon of light, understanding, acceptance, and peace.

Through this work, I invite viewers to reflect on their own experiences of loss and recovery. Every handmade print symbolizes resilience and recovery, offering solace and shared healing. Pictorial Whispers is a living memorial that honors my daughter’s memory and celebrates the timeless beauty of the natural world.

This series of articles will delve into each aspect of the project, from the choice of equipment and techniques to the emotional and symbolic underpinnings of the work. Join me as I share the journey behind Pictorial Whispers, offering insights into the art and craft of creating a deeply personal and evocative body of work.

You can read the current artist statement for Pictorial Whispers to understand my work’s narrative and direction.